Perimenopause Blues

I don't think anyone told me that this perimenopause, leading-up-to-menopause time was going to suck so much. Last year I felt like crap all winter, but I had an excuse because my mom just died. And I found out that I had hypothyroid, or low levels of thyroid hormone, the same as something like half of all women over 40 (OK, OK, 20%). This year, all my excuses are gone - can I still be in mourning? and I take a thyroid hormone supplement. But I am just not having much fun. I have no desire, and all I see in the mirror are age and unattractiveness. Don't feel like exercising, don't feel like much at all. Must be the weather.

The only thing that offsets the malaise is the occasional flashes of actual wisdom, those brief moments where it seems like I know what's going on ... and planning parties.

The next big event is to be a drinks party, on March 4th. I knew that I wanted to make more of the fancy hot appetizers that I do for the cookie party, but I've been struggling for a theme. I started hauling out Gourmets and cookbooks, and got the idea of making two similar of everything, like shrimp sticks , which are filo rolls with an Asian flavored shrimp filling, and another similar filo rolls with Moroccan-flavored chicken inside (cloves & cinammon & tomato, also Gourmet, but somehow not online ...) - or one veg, one not veg, like little squares of bacon quiche and others spinach quiche. So I now have this huge list of apps in my Palm, way too many to realistically make ... and in thinking about my dad's 70th, I found the old cookbook the Vegetables a la Grecque are from (Martha Rose Shulman, Vegetarian Feast) and she has a soy pate, that I have made, the only good use of Marmite I have ever found in that pate, and I could put it out to compliment the chicken liver.

well, lots to think about ...